A Work in Progress

Moved!

2006-10-23T18:46:00.000-05:00

This is officially my last post on this site. I'm now all moved in to my new address at www.torridmidnight.com! My new RSS feed is here: http://www.torridmidnight.com/?feed=rss
Hopefully I'll learn a bit more about editing templates, I'm kind of fumbling my way through for now but it's fun. See you all there :).

The Shadow Knows

2006-10-19T07:57:00.000-05:00

If you've been waiting for the
Dominus Shadow 2.0 to be released, your wait was over as of yesterday at noon PST. Francis had to put off the release due to some problems in Second Life so it's been a long time coming. Along with the release is the collection of "Shadow Wear" that myself, Nephilaine Protagonist, and Launa Fauna collaborated on several months ago. The sets compliment the Dominus 2.0 perfectly and allow for plenty of mixing and matching.

You can find more pictures and information on the DoMoCo site.

On an unrelated note, I'm moving my blog to it's own site and I only have a few things left to work on for it so be looking for that change soon. It will be located at www.torridmidnight.com. Congratulations Francis on a job well done!

<3

What are you doing the rest of your life?

2006-10-14T11:35:00.000-05:00

So after a month in the real world, I've begun to slowly enter Second Life again. I've learned how important it is to take time out for yourself to do something you really enjoy. I spent more time with my family, I allowed myself to heal and then got back in the gym, and I'm finally looking into school. I shook the dust off my feet and moved on because trust me, there was quite a bit of dust settling there. I remembered who I am, somehow I had begun to lose a little of that in all the mess.

I was reminded of just how many great friends and supporters I have in my real and second life. I think somehow I was under the impression that if you fall down that's it, the race is over, and you might as well limp off the track. What I discovered while limping off the track was that most of the people on the bleachers were cheering me on. They were telling me not to give up and to get back in the race. You're going to screw up sometimes, despite the fact that you're a good person, you won't always have the best judgment. The best thing you can do is take responsibility for your mistakes, learn from them, and move on. There will be people that turn away from you and that will hurt but you have to respect their decision and push forward.

So what now? I'll be in Second Life but it won't be anything close to the amount of time I used to spend in there. I doubt that I will do anything further with TorridWear, I don't have much of a desire to. I'm going to spend most of my time just bugging friends and being social or shopping. I will more than likely return to Secondcast, I miss those guys and it's a lot of fun. If I do create anything it will be at my own pace and quietly. I saw a nasty side of the fashion community that I'd prefer to stay as far away from as possible. I learned that some people care less about facts and more about keeping their balance on the pedestal or adding fuel to the drama inferno.

This clown has resigned from the circus, the shoes were entirely too big anyhow. I'll be with all the other spectators, cheering on the trapeze artists, and getting sick on cotton candy. Has anybody seen my red nose?

Real life here I come.

2006-09-08T16:04:00.000-05:00

I never thought I'd be one to do this but for the sake of my own health and sanity I have to. I'm going to take a break from SL. I'll still come in world now and then to check things but for the most part I'm staying away from the computer. I'm going to spend time with my family, my friends, and take care of myself in real life. I'm going to think about what's important to me and why I get up every day and as much as I care for my friends in SL and my loyal customers, they're not it.

I have taken hits for the last two years of my Second Life. I've been called horrible names, I've been threatened, I've been lied about, you name it. I always managed to let it go and move on, just tell myself like my friends said, those people don't matter because they don't know you and they're ignorant. After this last week unfortunately I can't shake it because everything I've worked hard for has been placed under fire.

I've been called a thief by unknown residents who can't spell to save their life in offlines, I've been called a no talent hack who created all their clothing from another game's textures, I've been called a bitch, a cunt, a nobody, a hasbeen, a scammer, a loser, and finally someone who should have saved everyone the trouble and just died during surgery. So that's it, that's all I can take, I don't have a hard outer shell that can be hammered over and over. I have never seen so much vile, evil, and nasty natured people in my entire life, including highschool.

I am tired of having to defend myself only to be knocked down again. Yes I have good friends that care about me and support me, for that I'm thankful, but unfortunately it doesn't stop the blood bath going on. It took me two years to get where I got in Second Life, two years from not even knowing what Photoshop was and it was a hard two years.

I have sourced from the web, I've sourced pieces from game textures, I've bought seamless textures, I've hand drawn, and I've hand painted. Each step for me was a learning process to get to where I could totally create things by hand. I source things like zippers, buttons, lining, etc, I create my own textures or use seamless ones and I use lightwave, I'm very proud of that. I'm proud that I can create things mostly from scratch now. You can call me any name you want to but I stand behind what I create and I wouldn't lie about anything I've used to do it. If anyone EVER had a question about ANYTHING I've created all they had to do was come to me about it and talk to me. I would gladly explain what and how I did it, including what or if I sourced something. I am sure any designer if they had the time would do the very same thing.

I guess that's all I can say really. I'm no saint, I'm not perfect, I've made mistakes, and I've done my best to make up for them. I've done my best to be kind to people, to help people, and I can only hope that the truth will stand in time. I wish everyone well, I wish you all success and happiness in all that you do. I want to thank my friends, other designers, and customers who messaged me with support, kindess, and love.

I don't know when I'll be back..or if I will come back, only time will tell. At this point I don't even know if there is a desire among the residents of SL for me to be part of that world anymore.

Take care SL,
Torrid

*Edited to add, just making it clear that all of the negativity and vileness has come from alt accounts, people under anonymous, and other such "i'm hiding" type of persons. The *actual* people involved in the situation were not and are not part of that negativity and I have nothing but well wishes for them.

Keeping the personal, personal.

2006-09-06T08:25:00.000-05:00

I've decided to remove the post I did yesterday, though I named no names and simply blogged about feelings *trying* to apologize and explain remorse for a past situation, it seems to have been completely mistunderstood. My purpose was to talk about how we make mistakes and what we learn from them, the consequences. Since the post obviously did not serve it's purpose it doesn't need to be here. I will keep my personal feelings just that, personal and private.

She Lives!

2006-08-29T09:06:00.000-05:00

Yes I'm back and in one piece, well for the most part. I still won't be at the PC much because I can't sit in this chair for longer than ten minutes before I feel faint. Sounds fun huh? I'm hoping to be closer to normal next week, I feel a little better each day. My time at the hospital was rather traumatic at times, including the jello, but I'm glad it's done and over with.

Thank you to everyone who left messages, comments, or sent e-mails with well wishes, it means a lot to me. <3 I missed everyone and I can't wait to be 100% again (or is that more like 95% without the gallbladder?).

Into This Night I Wander

2006-08-22T19:09:00.000-05:00

This will be my last blog post for awhile, for how long I am not sure. I'm having surgery tomorrow at 7am, more to the point they're removing my gallbladder. If you know anything about that surgery, you know it's pretty routine and less than two days hospital stay. For me that's not the case unfortunately, I'm considered "high risk". I have scar tissue that may cause complications, meaning they might have to remove it the old fashioned way. If that happens it could mean a week or more hospital stay followed by recovery. Is it safe to say I'm a little nervous?

I am almost certain everything will be okay and I have a lot of good thoughts and prayers from people who care about me. It's just hard as a human being to block out all the "ifs". I've just got to relax and let it go.

Having said that, I'll probably be gone anywhere from a week to two weeks so I won't be in Second Life of course :P. The best way to leave a message for me is by e-mail, which is torridmidnight@gmail.com. If it's anything customer related with TorridWear I won't be able to respond until I return obviously. If it has to do with Iki or The New Zero you can of course contact Nephilaine Protagonist.

I appreciate all the kind words and support I've received. I'm going to miss all my friends dearly and I love you all :).

See you soon! <3

" Into this night I wander
It's morning that I dread
Another day of knowing of
the path I fear to tread.." -- Sarah McLachlan "Possession"

Midnight Rendezvous

2006-08-16T22:26:00.000-05:00

So uhh yeah, content creators aren't always working *cough*. Sometimes, late at night, we teleport to have secret parties where we share entirely too much information and show too much skin..or not enough. Are these things planned? Was this just a random instance? I'll never tell!

Iki: Update and Store opening!

2006-08-14T18:49:00.000-05:00

Neph posted in more detail than I'm going to here but I wanted to mention a few things about this update. We released a lot of basic items for mixing and matching today such as long tees, tank tops, and denim shorts. We also went ahead and moved to our Iki store in Plush Gamma but the store is not yet finished so there will be changes.

I wanted to mention a couple of things about the items we released. First of all the "Easy Tanks" might be recognized by those that shop at TorridWear. These are reworked from the Easy Street Tanks and because I received a lot of requests for colors and variations I thought it would be a good idea to put these in the Iki line. These have been revamped with new texturing and colors in lightwave so if you're a fan of the original tanks you'll definitely love these for variety. The tank on the right in the picture is the short tank top and it's got an amazing sort of crinkle/crushed fabric look that I'm in love with.

Right now we've been releasing a lot of true "basics" for building outfits and you can find examples of outfits on the cutouts in the new shop. Keep an eye out for us because we're not even close to being done with you! <3

The Disappearance of Kin Keiko

2006-08-14T16:19:00.000-05:00

Update: Kin is back baby!! Check it :D.

I'm not one to blog or post much in the forums when I'm not happy with Linden Lab, but this calls for it. About a week ago I searched for Kin Keiko so I could check her shop for new hairstyles but nothing showed up. Usually when that happens the person has either been banned or they've chosen to leave and wipe the account. I immediately felt panic because if you know anything about Kin, you know she makes some of the most unique and high quality hair in Second Life. I was able to find her store still but I knew something was wrong, I was right. Yesterday on PXP this article showed up from Canimal Zephyr. I was shocked and very sad to find out this happened to Kin. To create such wonderful things and then have the money you worked hard for kept from you, I just can't imagine.

I didn't know Kin very well but I know as a creator she kicked all kinds of ass. If you'd like to show your support for Kin, you can im Dazzo Street in world and ask to sign the petition and elka Lehane has made a t-shirt you can purchase for L$1. Neil Protagonist has closed Nakama for a day to show support for Kin and to ask LL to bring her back.

Whatever happens, if Kin is unable to return she will be missed more than she knows. I'm so glad I purchased her hair when I had the chance and it makes me sad to know I may not ever have the chance to again. BRING BACK KIN!!

Iki or a vanilla sundae, hold the whip cream.

2006-08-11T15:45:00.000-05:00

Have you ever come inside after being out in the heat all day, craving refreshment? Of course you have, we all have, but what do you reach for? After you've guzzled a gallon of water, sometimes the best treat on a day like that is a scoop of plain vanilla ice cream. I don't mean covered in chocolate syrup or sprinkled with nuts. It's just the right amount of sweetness and the coolness of it washes away the beating you took from the sun. That's what I'm reminded of when I think of Iki.

An iki thing/person/situation cannot be perfect, artistic, arty, complicated, gorgeous, curved, wordy, intentionally coquettish, or kawaii. This is how it's described in Wikipedia and when Neph suggested it as the name of our new clothing line I loved it. If you keep up with my blog, you know that I don't normally use it for new product information. With the forums closing and the ending of classifieds, I feel it's something I will have to start doing to keep those interested informed.

The idea for this line came about when we hit a brick wall with the DoMoCo release. We were supposed to release it when Francis released the Dominus Shadow 2.0 but to our disappointment that didn't happen. Francis has a very valid reason for waiting and it has to do with Second Life, but I can't discuss it, those are the rules! After working two months for Relay For Life it was very obvious I'd neglected my own business. The DoMoCo clothing was to be the returning point for me, a good way to get started again. Neph and I were discussing what to do with these problems facing us and I talked to her about ideas for a large casual line of clothing.

I've been wanting to create a mix and match line for a long time now. I know to some there may be a question as to why you'd want to when you can do anything in Second Life. For me, every day clothing can be beautiful, especially when the attention to detail is there. For example, there are two women shopping, one in a bright red, low cut dress, diamond necklace, and strappy heels and the other in straight leg jeans, boots, and a long artist tee with belt, who would you notice more? The obvious choice there for some may be the woman in the red dress but for me I notice the other woman's outfit. I notice it because of the print details on the top, the mix of color that fades into the dark denim, the sleekness of the belt and boots, and how it compliments the ensemble and her figure perfectly.

Back to the discussion with Neph, she knew exactly what I was thinking and loved the ideas. I don't ever have a problem explaining my thought process to her and that's rare for me. She is patient, she's an amazing artist, and when I just can't seem to find what I'm doing wrong she's there to take over and solve the problem. She's a wonderful mentor, a great friend, and the perfect designing partner. I'm looking forward to continuing with the Iki line and the opening of our shop this weekend (hopefully).

We may not follow the meaning of Iki exactly but as Neph has labeled it, "Unadulterated, Uncomplicated, Unpretentious" will be our motto. You won't find anything dramatic or over the top in the Iki line but there will be something for every woman, for her everyday. Now go have some ice cream and relax!

Yarrr!

2006-08-03T03:13:00.000-05:00

So I saw on taunt.com that Starley an' Twiddler had found ou' the'r pirate names through a quiz. This be th' result fer me, aye it be sound'n like I was named fer rum. Arrrr, go get yer own sea dog name, else I send ya t` Davy Jones`s locker!

My pirate name is:

Captain Morgan Flint

Even though there's no legal rank on a pirate ship, everyone recognizes you're the one in charge. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

Summertime and the living is...easy?

2006-07-28T11:39:00.000-05:00

It's July and oh baby is it hot! I know I've slacked a bit on blogging but I have good excuses. My first excuse is that I was heavily involved in Relay For Life (see this post). The silent auction kept me hopping until the last minute. I was so overwhelmed by the generous donations from many content creators, one of which was the Senecio II: Dominus Shadow. The custom work on this sexy machine was done by Xyni Platini, Torley's real life brother! My team ended up coming in first place, meaning we raised the largest amount of money. I think the final total for us is somewhere around L$3.8 million and I could not be more proud. I enjoyed spending a couple of days at RFL with these ladies and bonding over Jooky Juice.

If you're not sure what Jooky Juice is, then you probably missed our campsite! Camp Pixels In Pink was our nesting spot for the duration of RFL and it turned out really cheesy and fun, we went for a summer camp theme. Zyrra worked her bum off on it while I added things here and there, like poses on the giant Jooky for pictures. Elika and Starley churned out amazing items to sell at camp to raise more money and we all tried to walk the track between crashes with Twiddler Thereian. It was an honor to have Twiddler walk with us, a true survivor who represents the whole reason we did this in the first place. I don't get to spend a lot of time with these talented women because we're all usually busy working or hiding. It was a reminder of why I enjoy their company, they have great personalities and keep me laughing. We'll be throwing a last blast to celebrate the ending and success of RFL at the camp tonight and I'm looking forward to it. Planning has already begun for next year's Relay and we've recruited three more official PIPsters, as I'm calling them :P, Ginny Talamasca, Mistress Midnight, and Nephilaine Protagonist. We still need one more team member and it's definitely not an easy role to step into. It requires a genuine commitment and more time than you may have available but it's worth it!

Now that RFL is drawing to a close, I'm left with a lot more free time on my hands. In RL I'm stuck waiting for a surgeon referral for gallbladder removal (yay!). In SL I'm left with that "Okay..now what?" syndrome. I have Secondcast which I love doing and glad people enjoy listening. The Goods has become more of a "side project" I think, we don't always manage to schedule weekly recordings so we'll just do what we can. My contract work with Rivers Run Red is over with, though I'm not sure when Playahead will be in Second Life. Mistress continues to do work for RRR and I'm happy she's getting the opportunity. That brings us to the "what now?". I have ideas for a clothing line (yes again) but it's something I'll have to be strict about completing, that's right I am a designer!. For some reason summer causes me to feel listless and I have a difficult time focusing on one thing. I've gotten over the whole "everything's already been done" logic when it comes to SL fashion. Even if it has been done, your design will be different.

I often lay in bed at night with ideas just swirling through my head. Sometimes they're just constant images flashing and other times they play like a movie. They're great ideas and I want desperately to work on them but sometimes they're just not within my capabilities. I'm going to take one day at a time for now and go with the flow. I have my title to think about too (no I'm not mad Iris :P), maybe I should go on tour. Cristiano and I could sing a duet or two...or not.

By the way, if you're looking for a romantic movie, something with a little magic, a few tears, and some "omg if only a man would love ME like that" moments, go see The Lake House. The quote from the movie is "How do you hold on to someone you've never met?", I mean come on, I teared up just looking at the preview! I'm not sure if it's still out in most theaters but I highly recommend going if it is. Keanu Reeves gives me chills in this role and Sandra Bullock is lovely, *sigh*. It's also caused me to listen to "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane even more than I did before.

*Pictures courtesy of Snapzilla, Taunt.com, and Elika.

"Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.
And if you have a minute why don't we go,
Talk about it somewhere only we know.
This could be the end of everything,
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know.."

Back to Life

2006-06-13T21:13:00.000-05:00

Back to reality, well, virtual reality and here's something neat. Ever wished your avatar was more life-like in Second Life? I know I have, especially for creating machinima. After seeing moo Money's short video showing what you can do with the right software, I was curious.

So I introduce to you, Torrid Midnight, as you've never seen her before.

Torrid speaks!

Rebel With a Cause

2006-06-13T15:54:00.000-05:00

Okay so I'm not really that much of a rebel but the title sounded good! If you've yet to hear of Relay For Life you need to. It's a team based event that supports the American Cancer Society and Jade Lily heads up the Second Life Relay For Life, which is about as close to the real thing as we can get. It's an enormous task and there are many people helping to make this happen, this year the event will span twelve sims and will be held on July 22 & 23.

There are many ways to be involved and one of those is to have a team which consists of up to six people. The team's goal is basically to raise as much money as possible for SLRFL. We're all in it for the same cause but we've got a little friendly competition to push us as well, it's fun! I'm a team captain this year and my team is called "Pixels in Pink". My team members are Elikapeka Tiramisu, Zyrra Falcone, HoseQueen McLean, Starley Thereian, and Garbage Prototype. I was lucky enough that these lovely people wanted to be part of this team and I'm very excited to work with them. The reason we chose the name Pixels in Pink is because our focus will not only be the American Cancer Society but the fight against Breast Cancer. If you see me in world you'll more than likely find a pink ribbon or bracelet (available soon) on my avatar.

Our team has some great things in the works to raise funds and we believe folks will enjoy it. We're going to have special products in our stores very soon where all proceeds will go to SLRFL. You will already find donation kiosks and information signs located at our businesses and various places in world. The other teams will have donation kiosks out as well so be sure to look for these when you're out spending a little L$, every gift counts!

I'm really looking forward to a major event we're planning for early July. It's going to be a big job to pull it off but I have every confidence in our team. I don't have all the details yet but I can give out a few hints. Notice something that each person on my team has in common? If you guessed designing, you'd be right! Okay so that's not much of a hint but it should definitely give you some clue. I can also tell you that there will be some very cool items you'll have a chance of getting your hands on. All proceeds from our events will go to SLRFL and if that's not a good reason to attend an event on it's own, I dunno what is! The other teams will of course be holding events and fundraisers as well during this time.

I've added a very important link to the group on the left side of my blog. You can click on it to go directly to the Pixels in Pink team site and donate with a credit card. This is a great way for friends and family members to donate, especially if they're not involved in Second Life.

I'm also helping with the silent auction during the main SLRFL events in July. If you have a suggestion of someone that would be willing to create or donate something unique for the auction let me know. I've already confirmed with several creators and I think we're going to have a fantastic auction this year.

Thanks in advance to everyone who gives some of their time or money this year. Like it says on my sign in world, you're adding to an important gift, which is hope. <3<3

The Goods baby!!!

2006-06-02T16:57:00.000-05:00

Am I about to use this blog for a shameless plug? You're damned right! We (Lo Jacobs, Launa Fauna, and I) finally got our new podcast off the ground. It's called "The Goods" and it's a casual podcast discussing fashion and design in Second Life with guests from time to time. We recorded the first episode awhile back but had several problems along the way. We're very excited about the show and hope that people will enjoy it.

It's not meant to be a professional, straight forward, or critique show so if you're expecting that you'll be disappointed. We wanted to have fun doing this and have a laid back kind of "coffee talk" show, that includes having our guests as part of the chat. For the most part we won't have serious or in depth interviews. I think as time goes on we'll find our groove more and more but I'm committed to the show whether it's a huge hit or has a small group of listeners.

We won't just be discussing fashion and it's many categories but other forms of design as well, including architecture, furniture, etc. I know I speak for Lo and Launa when I say feedback will be very important from our listeners. So that being said go now, check out the site, and download the show! We hope to have a feed going and all that other tech jazzy stuff shortly. The artwork on the site was done by Lo Jacobs by the way and she deserves a very nice pat on the back for it <3.

Our next show should be up early next week and will feature our first guest, HoseQueen McLean!

Bollywood here I come?

2006-05-24T03:03:00.000-05:00

So I checked out New World Notes today and saw Hamlet's article on myheritage.com. You can go to the site and do a "Celebrity Face recognition" with a picture of your avatar. Hamlet linked to a couple of people who had tried it out and the results are interesting.

I had to of course try it out myself, it's fun! Apparently my avatar resembles a few actresses but the top match was an Indian actress named Aishwarya Rai who is a huge star in many countries and an important leading lady in Bollywood films. You learn something new every day!

She's also been called the most beautiful woman in the world...not bad eh? I'm sure my avatar is extremely flattered. It was also cool to learn about the type of movies so popular in India and how it's beginning to catch on in America. Go and try it with your av! :D

What's it like under that spotlight?

2006-05-21T22:54:00.000-05:00

You may be thinking to yourself, why is she asking that question? I ask the question because I really wonder what it's like. I get attention for various things now and then but I've never really "been in the spotlight". I'm not one of those designers people refer to when they reference high quality or detail in SL fashion. I've never been in the media but for one small article in Women's Wear Daily that was shared with Aimee Weber. I've been working on designs for over two years and yes I have an established business but I am not a household name. What's it like under that bright light? Is it rewarding to see so many speak of you and your work?

I work hard when I create something, I am always determined to get that realistic look without flat out photosourcing. I sit for hours sometimes trying to make sure I get seams or straps lined correctly and even then sometimes I can only do the best I know how. I have a limited knowledge of Photoshop, most of which I've taught myself and I don't have many filters. I don't create new clothing every week, especially these days because I'm doing contract work, so I'm off on my work alt. Newer people are passing me by every day and had done so long ago. The things said in the notorious documents by that "anonymous" person of which I won't speak may have been extreme but some of it stings true in my mind. I may very well be expired milk, long past my prime that I really never reached.

I don't want to seem like I'm complaining because I really am grateful that there are folks that like my stuff and come back. It's just now I am really starting to see that my peak in the fashion world was a plateau and it's something I have to face and accept. I am glad I've chosen to do other things like Secondcast or I might be completely lost. Sometimes it's difficult not to become petty or jealous, especially when you see fashion blogs pouring over some of the same names constantly as though heaven has shined down on them.

Those of you who feel bad when the green monster hits you, you're not alone, after all we're human. It's a matter of realizing why you're feeling a little green around the edges. Is it really because the person is getting attention and you're not? Is it that you feel they don't deserve it? Is it something like that or is that you know deep inside if you worked harder maybe you'd be in that spotlight too. With me, it's more envy of time, envy of being able to sit down every day and create enough to keep up with the masses and the falling Lindex. Do I feel like sometimes my hard work goes without notice? Sure I do, but I know I'm not alone in that and I know I'll get through it.

It's easy to start beating up on yourself, telling yourself that what you create is worthless and that's why you never get anywhere. Let me be the first to say that doing that will only cause greater harm in the end. You don't get your feet wet by sitting on the beach and watching the waves. If you're trying your hardest and giving it every ounce of effort you have then you've got more to be proud of than you realize. Those of you that are new and feeling overwhelmed, just look at me. I've been here for three years and I feel that way, there are many times I think of throwing in the towel..but I don't. I can't promise you'll be praised by thousands or even that you'll have a steady sales report every day, but damn if it isn't satisfying to see someone wearing your designs and liking it.

Listen to me, the motivational speaker lol. A lot of this is easier said than done and don't I know it. Sometimes it's down right depressing to think about my place in the fashion world of SL, an oldbie middle child, "It's always Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!". It's not going to stop me of course but it makes me want to eat chocolate! Those of you out there that have been brewing hostility towards me lately, trust me, you've got no reason to be jealous. Spend some of that time creating or reading a book, maybe go for a walk. I think I'll take a walk too, when it stops raining..

*P.S Thanks to everyone who takes a moment or two to read my blog, it means a lot :). I don't always get around to replying to comments but I read every one of them.

Just when you thought it was safe..

2006-04-21T17:20:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I've found the monster under my bed's twin, it's jealousy. Jealousy is far more frightening and malicious than criticism could even hope to be. It's been rearing it's ugly head more often in Second Life and it's getting worse every day. Everywhere you look there are blogs popping up where people are hiding behind fake names. They do this so they can be as cruel or as harsh as possible with no worry of truly facing the consequences.

You have to understand what type of person we're dealing with here. It's someone who obviously has self esteem issues and has some deep rooted need of assurance that they're worth the air they breath. Oddly enough, it doesn't seem to effect their conscience. They call others names, rip apart their personality and hard work, and act as though their targets are people SL would be better without. What they don't get is that by writing such trash under a veil they're proving themselves to be far worse. You could almost compare the situation to one in the old west, the way a man was seen after shooting someone in the back or someone unarmed. They would literally have to run from town to town in hopes their reputation as a lowly coward wouldn't follow, along with those they wronged.

It could also be nothing but pure fear, fear of what they might have to face if others knew their identity. This forces them to hide their true ugly self behind the mask of a polite and decent personality. This person may be someone you know, someone you always have a pleasant meeting with, and yet the minute you turn around their mouth is pouring out poison like a tipped vial. I have unfortunately been made aware of certain people that fit this bill and it saddens me. They are people I considered friendly and genuine. Suddenly I find out all of the toxic jealousy they're filled with and it's enough to make me sick. How someone has the audacity to shove a person into a mold before they've even checked to see if it's the right fit is beyond me. Take the time to talk with someone before you judge them because otherwise you're crying ignorance. If you're a nasty person then do us all a favor and just BE a nasty person, don't put up a front or pretend you've got a soul. Step out from the shadows and grow a spine.

I just have one last thing to say to these folks. Karma's a bitch baby and when you least expect it you'll be it's bitch. Remind me to steer clear when that happens.

The Monster Under Our Bed or Criticism in Second Life

2006-04-19T15:08:00.000-05:00

Do you remember at any point as a kid where you laid in your bed too afraid to try and sleep? You just knew there was a monster under your bed but you weren't about to double check. There was always that "thing" somewhere in your room and it was a fear of what you couldn't see in the darkness. Lately I've noticed a wave of residents from Second Life crying foul when others have expressed opinions on content. These statements or opinions were not meant to be harmful, nor were they an attack of any kind. They were twisted and turned into something spiteful and harsh. Has criticism of any kind become the monster under our bed? Is it the nasty beast that remains in the darkness, waiting to pounce when we turn to face it? Content creators as a whole are starting to develop a reputation as overly sensitive, thin skinned, and volatile. Is this true? I don't know about any of you but I sure as hell don't want this label stuck to my head. I've realized from being part of Secondcast that we have to be so careful of every little thing we say it's ridiculous.

Let's look at some comments that would currently be seen as harmful and a personal attack. I'm not going to put exact statements here word for word because as I've said in the past I don't want to point the finger at someone in particular.

John: I like Soandso's photo album
Jane: I like photos but I'm just not a fan of albums
Mary: Well, it's a well done album, I like it better than Thatguy's.
Jane: Yes, I think so as well.
Mary: Not that I'm saying Thatguy's album isn't good, I just happen to like Soandso's layout better.

Does this represent a personal attack to you? Does it seem as though "Mary" is trying to trash or hurt "Thatguy" in any way? If it does then you and I are on a completely different page. To me, that is simply a case of someone preferring one product over another. "Mary" doesn't say that "Thatguy's" album is terrible nor does she point out anything negative about it, she simply likes the other product better. This is called "people have different tastes and styles" and at what point we started considering this an outrage I don't know. I've had many people prefer someone else's clothing over mine, it happens every day. If I allowed that to be taken as a personal attack I would be screaming that I have no confidence in what I do. My clothing may not be their style or I may not have what they are looking for, should I lash out at them for that?

My last blog entry has apparently been viewed by some as harmful to certain designers. This shocked me when I heard because nothing I said was pointed at any person in particular nor did I attack or insult anyone. I simply stated that I wasn't a fan of skirts that use a lot of prims and why. Let's look at what I just said again and let me point out that I said "I" meaning ME and only me. They just happen to not be something I like to wear most of the time but that doesn't mean I think designers that create them are horrible! I admire anyone who is clever enough to use prims in that way, it's not their fault that I don't find them that flattering on my avatar or that I don't like how SL makes them look in certain lighting. I just recently purchased Lo Jacob's new dress that uses prims on the skirt and I love it because it's layered and it's black. One of my dearest friends who I admire a great deal, Nephilaine Protagonist, just created some dresses using prims on the skirt. I think they're lovely and look great on certain avatars but I more than likely won't wear them. Neph doesn't take that as a personal attack on her designs because she understands that it just happens to be my tastes and we've talked about it.

With reactions like this to mere comments based on someone's own style, I shudder to think of response to an actual criticism of someone's design. It makes me sad to think that we can't handle someone being honest about what we create. Would you rather a friend or anyone for that matter, lie to you and turn around to the next person to say what they really think? I would prefer they tell me the truth and explain why so I might have a chance to learn from it. Sure, it's never easy to hear something negative about content you've worked hard on and it can sting, but it's part of life. I've heard things said about me that hurt very deeply and mostly because they were said behind my back. It was the exact opposite of what the person had said to me, so that made it much worse. It's impossible to please everyone and it's wrong to expect it. If you are the person doing the criticizing it's wrong to expect no response, people will often become defensive and at least like the chance to be heard as well. It's like that old saying, "Don't dish it out if you can't take it."

There is a difference between criticism and attacking. We're all smart enough to know the difference and yet sometimes don't act that way. I will be the first to admit I've overreacted before, I'm human after all but I learned from it. Let's all take a walk outside, breathe in some fresh air, and think before we react. I run a business and by doing so I have placed myself in a position to receive criticism. If that is something I can't handle then I really shouldn't be running a business.

I have one last thought on this subject before I end this entry. If you have heard something that you feel is a personal attack or has bothered you in some way, talk to the person that said it. It's called communication folks, we all know how to do it! I have learned in the last month about so many things that went unsaid that shouldn't have. There were misunderstandings, misconceptions, hurt feelings, and well you name it. The main reason was that nobody stepped forward and opened their mouth or put their fingers to the keyboard. Resolution is a beautiful thing and brings peace or in the very least closure. It does more harm than good to harbor hurt feelings or hostility, you never know what you might learn if you face things head on.

Now that I'm off my soapbox, I've got a bed to check under. It's times like this I wish I had monster repellent.

What a Girl Wants

2006-04-08T04:28:00.000-05:00

It's a question I find myself asking a lot lately, what exactly do women want in Second Life? As you know if you're a regular reader of my blog, I've been struggling with designing. I think I'm finally over a few hurdles but something is still bugging me. It seems there is no real way to predict what your customers want except by sex appeal. I have found that the more sex appeal an item of clothing brings to your avatar, the better it sells. I don't really know what to think about this, of course we all like our avatars to look good, but whatever happened to classy? Now, my own tastes vary, I wear a lot of jeans or pants with tops. I like to wear clothing that's overly sexy at times but I also like to wear something more conservative or elegant too.

With that in mind, myself and Mistress (Midnight), who has just recently come back from a long break, created a lovely retro party dress. We really went all out on this outfit, I even created animations specifically made with the dress and purse in mind. My thoughts on this dress were that it would be a big hit, I mean who doesn't love to be "girly" sometimes. I'm a tomboy and even I have to tap into that side of me that hints of Audrey Hepburn. This outfit was released a few days ago and instead of being a big hit, we've sold a whopping six, wow. I don't know if I'm more disappointed in the outfit not selling well, the fact that for Mistress's comeback it was a let down, or that I was that clueless. I find myself questioning how I design now, would I do better to just make a bunch of half boob shirts (tops that only cover half of your chest)? How about five pairs of jeans so low we can tell just how "groomed" you are? The thing is, even though I'm just being funny, those would probably sell extremely well, not to mention my pants are already low off the waist.

Right now all the rage seems to be prim dresses and skirts and while I applaud those that create that sort of thing, I can't stand wearing most of them. Call me crazy but I don't like to be reminded that I've got a prim stuck in my torso and as well as some of these outfits are made that's exactly what happens. The color and material on the prims may be the exact same as the top and pants but that doesn't mean it actually blends in. The prim is effected by lighting and so at certain angles it can almost seem to glow against the flat material, thus causing a major break in the flow of the outfit. I suppose I could just put it out of my mind and accept that certain things just "are" in SL. I already do that with some prim skirts, the black ones I can deal with because it's less noticeable. I just can't ignore it no matter what I do and most of the time the outfit ends up collecting virtual dust in my inventory.

Perhaps the fact that the dress Mistress and I released is a regular, non prim skirt has effected it's appeal as well. Are we giving up on the skirt mesh LL gave us? I really hope that is not the case, I know it's an annoying fit believe me, but at least it's not stiff. I'll never be the girl that attends the party in a fifty prim ball gown, no offense to those that like that sort of thing, it's just not for me. I have another dress in the drawing board right now that Mistress is putting finishing touches on. This dress is inspired by the everyday dresses of the 40s and my guess is, it won't be a hit either. It's simple, it's not a prim skirt, and it's not revealing. I know there are a few out there who will really appreciate it and I'm happy that I can at least please those folks from time to time. I'm also working on some jeans and tops so maybe I can make up for sales with that, who knows lol. I'm looking forward to working with some of my very talented friends in the near future, I won't say exactly who right now, but it should be fabulous.

Now for a topic change! If you've not tuned in to Secondcast yet, you're missing out, though I don't recommend it for those with very short attention spans. We've had some great guests on the show so far and we're really starting to find our groove. I never would have imagined that our cast would have such great chemistry but it's a pleasant surprise to say the least. It's so nice to get comments from people in world randomly, just letting me know how much they enjoy the show or how great it is to listen at work when they need a good laugh. I'm reaching an audience of people I could never reach as a clothing designer and that feels great. In the last two weeks that audience has grown by leaps and bounds and I'm amazed at how fast we're picking up speed. There is not one minute that I've regretted the choice I made over a month ago to join in. By the way, Nylon was hired to do the caricature of the cast on the front page and she did a fantastic job, she is so talented.

Secondcast Radio will be making it's debut in the near future and I'm testing out a new show idea for it with Lo Jacobs next week. The ladies need their fix too! I know there are some concerns that Radio Linden will interfere with our plans, I hope that's not the case. Of course the Lindens carry weight with everyone in SL and perhaps given the choice folks would rather stream their station over ours. I think we have a lot to offer and it won't be the same type of content as Radio Linden. In the end all you can do is try, right? The last thing I want to mention is that Johnny has announced advertising on Secondcast now and I highly recommend it. As I mentioned earlier, we're reaching an audience that you might not normally in world or the forums. If you're interested you should hurry, I believe a lot of the slots are already sold out. There's my sales pitch for the day! Don't worry, I won't quit my day job. I've now got a handy little player to the left for tuning in, it's cool!

If you see Audrey Hepburn in SL, would you send her my way?

Monday Monday

2006-03-06T20:35:00.000-05:00

It's March and it's Monday, what else can I say really. I'll be turning 29 this month and I'm not looking forward to it. I think I'll just stop having birthdays after this year and hang onto my twenties forever. Some part of me fears thirty because it's like a giant banner over my head saying "Grow up already!". I still have piercings, I still wear clothing that 18 year olds find fashionable, and I play video games. I'm not married, I don't have any children, and I still haven't managed to get back in school. Aren't most people well into their careers and raising a family by the time they're thirty? I can't think about it too much or I'll just get depressed. Time for a topic change!

I've been in a rut with designing in Second Life since about middle February, thus the cheesy movies and other bits. This happens to me fairly often unfortunately, which you know if you've read my past blog posts. I've found that the only way to get past it is to get involved in other projects and I'll usually get back on the designing path..usually.

I joined in with Secondcast last week with episode 4, check out the website if you're not sure what I'm talking about. It's a weekly podcast hosted by Johnny Ming and features different residents discussing various topics. I found it enjoyable though I do feel like my first run was dull. Johnny asked me a lot of questions and it was more like an interview. I think that Cristiano and Walker were under the impression that it was an interview also and didn't want to interrupt. I appreciated that they were being respectful but at the same time it left all these awkward pauses after I spoke, even when I would say something in jest there was no response, or laughter. As the night progressed everyone became more relaxed and the conversation flowed much better.

It didn't help that I was nervous, especially after Johnny stumbled around with my introduction lol. It was quite obvious he hadn't a clue who I was in Second Life. I don't really blame him for that, I'm not that "famous" and he didn't have much time to prepare for my joining. I did however show that I'm not afraid to express my opinion and that's a good thing. I do my best not to offend people but I also don't want to create a false impression either. I've already gotten feedback from a certain resident who feels we should know more about his "island/project/business" before we discuss it. I explained that I know enough to have an opinion and besides it wasn't even about him or his island, just a particular fashion line.

Being a part of Secondcast is definitely not for someone who's afraid to be criticized. People are going to disagree with you, they may not like your voice or the way you express yourself, and you could get backlash for stating your opinion. Regardless of that, it's something I want to do because it's pushing outside the box I've been dwelling inside the last year. I'm not the smartest chick or as tech savvy as most of the residents on the show but damnit I'll do my best to keep up!

I've also been having problems lately with djing for RadioRadio. If it hasn't been technical problems, it's been real life getting in the way. It's enough having to work at making a decent show in the shadow of the famous pros, Trin and Nala. (<3) I don't mean that to be sarcastic in any way, let me clarify that now. It's just been a new experience for me or rather reliving an old experience with what it's like to be a newb. Trin and Nala are the main focus of RadioRadio and they've got a nice size following with a hilarious show. Madame Maracas, who owns RadioRadio, stated herself that nobody does it better. My goal with djing is to find my own place, just like I had to do years ago when I started designing. As for right now I'm kind of like a backup singer for the main act and there's nothing wrong with that. What matters is that you do the best you can in whatever position you find yourself in. With the RadioRadio group the main rule is to have fun and that's exactly what we do.
To tune in remote at show times here's the addy, http://media1.servercave.com:15822/RadioRadio.

Before I skip off I'd just like to say congratulations to Willow and Giddeon on their wedding. I did a little video of the ceremony for them, unfortunately Giddeon's avatar appeared dwarfed on my screen. Oh well, that's our dear Second Life!

*If you know of a designer with a lot of talent and not enough notice, let me know! I want to start featuring little known designers in my blog and find some hidden treasure.

Silent all these years

2006-02-09T15:29:00.001-05:00

This post is more about my real life over my second and something I really enjoy, singing. I've loved music as long as I can remember. It's been a constant, a hand to hold, and a voice inside my ear when there were none to be found in the outside world. I was made to take piano lessons at a very young age but quickly let the notes wrap around and draw me in. It was a way to release the resentment of my isolation and drown out the silence, that deafening silence. I would sing to myself often as a child, making up songs and trying to remember the ones my grandfather sang the few times he visited. I never once thought I had any sort of decent singing voice and for that matter nobody heard me sing until I was a teenager in the states.

It was my last year in middle school when my best friend heard me singing in the locker room. I had no idea anyone was there or I wouldn't have been singing. She immediately gasped and asked me why in the hell I wasn't in choir. I told her that I didn't think I was talented enough to be in the choir, not to mention I'd actually have to open my mouth in front of people. It was through the encouragement of friends that I finally gathered the nerve to audition for choir my freshmen year. I didn't have any hopes of making it, especially considering this was the A cappella choir, so I was completely shocked when my name appeared on the list for altos. The director pulled me aside after the first meeting and asked if I would mind staying for an hour after school each day for some training. I made sure I was there, if anything I was curious what she felt was wrong with my voice. After I'd been sitting in her office for 15 minutes waiting, she rushes in with a bag of marshmallows in her hand. She explained that she loved my voice but that my accent bled through and didn't blend well with the others. For the next month I proceeded to sing with marshmallows in my mouth, as many as I could without choking. It may sound crazy but it actually caused me to concentrate on pronouncing so that the accent became minimal.

So that was where it started for me, letting go and being heard. I sing all the time in my daily life, to the radio, in the shower, just sitting at the PC. In the last few years I've recorded myself to some songs for fun and I've also sang with a few friends in SL. Some have heard me sing and others have asked where they could hear. I've decided to link a couple of songs from the blog if you'd like to listen. I do not claim to have an amazing voice nor do I claim these files will sound anywhere close to professional, they aren't :). If you feel the need to critique my singing, be my guest but understand that I've more than likely heard it already. I am my own worst critique with my father coming in a close second lol. I am not trying to impress anyone, this is just a small glimpse of what makes me tick. Fever is a long time favorite of mine by Peggy Lee and Hurt by Trent Reznor, which is a song I've identified with since I first heard it. These of course are my versions and it would be silly of me to even try and resemble either of those artists :D.

*I've removed the songs, I feel I left them up long enough for someone to hear if they wanted. Thanks to everyone for the generous compliments and to those who were honest lol.

More cheese!

2006-02-04T21:21:00.000-05:00

I had so much fun doing the first cheesy home movie, that I decided to make a second one, this time about friends! Of course it's still the same bad quality and there are a few mistakes, such as the mouse pointer showing up out of nowhere :P. I wish I could have fit all my friends into this movie but it would be a half hour long or more lol. I hope to do a part 3 very soon to include more of you lovely people.

Torrid's Cheesy Home Movie Part 2

Home Movies anyone?

2006-02-02T23:14:00.000-05:00

So I've been trying to learn how to make movies in Second Life and I've been attending the alt-zoom classes. I still have no clue what I'm doing for the most part but I decided to make a little home movie showing the places where I work and hang out. It's not meant to be professional or actually well done lol. I compressed it quite a bit so the quality isn't great but I had fun doing it. As of right now the only format I have is .wmv but I'm working on getting it converted to quicktime as well. Watch at your own risk!

*Yay! I finally found a way to convert my movies so now they're in quicktime format! I plan to stream these somewhere in world, just not sure where yet lol. I would link them here but they're much larger files.

Torrid's Cheesy Home Movie!

When I Grow Up

2006-01-30T16:47:00.000-05:00

Aimee Weber's second birthday in Second Life caused me to take a look at where I started and how far I've come. In May I'll be celebrating my third year in SL and I've actually gone through an aging process. I don't believe it's just myself that feels they've "aged" but a lot of residents and friends I've talked to over time. If you don't want to read a long entry then you should probably stop here. I'm going to take a walk down memory lane and I've got my hiking boots on.

When I started my Second Life, back when it was still in BETA, I spent most of the time doing crazy things and socializing. Yes, that's me in the bright red hair with huge breasts, Mistress Midnight on top, and Skeedalee Skidoo next to me. When I say I did crazy things, I mean my avatar being naked a lot of the time, playing pranks on people that were bold enough to be afk, and having on the spot parties with really odd contests. Back then you could plan an event and the Lindens would announce it in world for all to see, of course the world was very small. I enjoyed flying around and exploring in the beginning and it really seemed like a tightly knit community. I never thought about creating my own clothing because Mistress and Skee were the pros then and kept my avatar covered. I look at my old avatar now and think what in the HELL was I thinking, how did I not know I looked that bad? I may have looked terrible but I had a blast :).

As time went on I began to be curious about creating and how to go about it. I had tried building and I knew right away that it was not for me, I still just barely get by when I have to build something! I had a friend named Xenobicus, who unfortunately left SL many moons ago, that taught me the basics of using Photoshop. I had never even heard of the program prior to his lesson and I was very fascinated. It was from that lesson, a few tips from Mistress, and advice from a newbie named Nephilaine Protagonist (hehe) that set me on my way. After I began to sell my own clothing I changed my avatar look drastically. I realized I wanted to shape her more like the real me and less like a bimbo primed for porn. I had also met Water Rogers after joining a talent filled group by the name of Nexcorp. I spent most of my time in Gibson and Bonifacio watching as they worked on amazing projects. Even though that group eventually saw it's end, it gave me some of the best and craziest friends a person could ask for. I moved on from there to Mistress's land in Maroon where we hung out at the beach and had a little mall. I met Aimee for the first time there after hearing about her cool shoes made out of prims! I can't believe SL actually had that sit (shown in the pic) as the default for females then, though it was better than our arms hovering. Time marched on and myself along with Mistress opened a store together when she purchased her own sim, Umber. That was a major step for me because I decided to really make a business, or try at least. It wasn't long after that Water and I had our SL marriage. Nephilaine created a very beautiful setting and also shot a wonderful video, I don't think I've ever been able to thank her enough for that.

Umber grew and before long we had a huge building with lots of designers, a club, and a house or two. Soon Mistress would decide to change the sim into a city, which you all know became Midnight City. I was gone from SL for quite awhile during that time dealing with some business in London. When I came back I felt like I didn't really have a place I belonged. I felt at home with my friends of course but there was just a big emptiness there. I started to separate myself from Mistress a little so that we each had a store. I felt like people saw me as "the other Midnight", the one who rode in on Mistress's growing fame. It was not her fault of course, all she did was be a great friend to me and help me at the same time. I knew that I would have to branch out and really see what I could do if I was to ever be successful. Along with my return there was another long overdue avatar change. I refined my shape and got into the groove of prim hair, animations, and better skin! SL had really changed in the amount of time I was away and I was amazed. I really began to push myself in designing. I started making more complete outfits, I changed the look of my boxes and store, and I began to advertise more. My sales really began to grow and I had a steady group of regular customers. It felt good to know that people enjoyed my work and I learned more every day. Out of Midnight City and some of my greatest friendships grew "The City Girls", Mistress Midnight, Aimee Weber, Launa Fauna, and myself. It was just a sort of nickname at first but it's since become the name we use when collaborating on events or designs. Our days in Umber were soon to end as Mistress decided it was time to purchase an island sim and call it Midnight City of course.

My time in Second Life had really changed and I didn't even realize how much. I rarely went to events anymore and you could usually find me hanging out with the "Umber Crew/Midnight City Crew" as they had been named. When I wasn't working on something new I was chatting it up with them. I even took breaks away from SL now and then to play other games, yes I was addicted to World of Warcraft for quite awhile lol. Most of the people around me had fallen into the rut or burn out. I really had to step back and question my purpose in SL and decide where to go. I went back to my little plot of land in Chartreuse and hired Lordfly Digeridoo to build a house for myself and Water. I had purchased the land in a land rush when Chartreuse first opened. It changed hands once but I got it back and I don't plan to ever let it go. It's always a reminder of where I came from and that's something we all need to have, in any life. I found myself going back to an old friend, Nephilaine, to discuss opening a store in Chartreuse again. She thought it was a great idea and built a store for m e, which has become a great success. We've since collaborated on a few projects and it's taught me so much.

As for now, I keep working away on designs, collaborating, being a DJ, hanging out with my wonderful friends, trying to help when I can, and enjoying my Second Life. My avatar is pretty comfortable in her own skin now, though the skin may change slightly at times. I may not get out much to explore or socialize but I am making an effort. Water and I aren't together very often but he'll always be near to my heart and a huge part of where I am today. I plan to keep writing entries in this silly little blog and if any of you enjoy it for even a second that's a bonus. Does everyone "age" in Second Life? I can't say for sure but everyone that sticks around chooses a path and will experience growth and changes, you can bet on it. I've left out so many stories and pictures but it would take hours to share everything and I choose to spare your eyes. I'm sure I'll do a lot more walking down memory lane when my third birthday finally gets here but until then thanks to everyone who has been a part of my Second Life and continues to be. <3

*On behalf of my oldest avatar, I apologize if you were frightened.

Of sour grapes and the bitter taste.

2006-01-03T13:03:00.000-05:00

This is of course is my first post of the new year, so I'll say Happy New Year to everyone! My holidays went very well and they served as an important reminder of just how blessed I am. It's easy to complain or feel sorry for yourself when things don't go the way you hope. I've got a roof over my head, food to eat, I'm healthy for the most part, and I'm not on fire. Those are only a few reasons why I should be grateful. I hope that everyone will find happiness and good health in the new year.

I recently held a search for a new mode l to use in advertising for my business in Second Life, TorridWear. I was hoping for many entries and I got exactly what I hoped for, 130 give or take a few. It was very difficult to choose among so many and I had to scan their avatars with a very close eye. I was looking for someone that stood out from the rest, not just a pretty face. I asked for avatars with good proportions and after awhile I began to think people didn't understand what that meant. I'll be the first one to stand up and say I love diversity in SL. One reason I love it so much is because I know I'll never walk head first into my exact twin. Not everyone has the same body type or face and that's a wonderful thing that I would never want to change. I do however see a bothersome pattern when it comes to avatar shapes. I don't want to go into too much detail about it but there were several avatars with extreme differences in proportion.

One problem I ran into were shapes with very broad shoulders, a big chest, and a very narrow torso. Another major problem I found were avatars with the hips squished until they had basically created a table top for a bum. Those were the major two, though I ran across several other noticeable issues. My purpose is not to ridicule anyone with that type of shape, especially if they truly like it. I just feel as if there is a distorted view in place of what is "beautiful" in SL. I do not claim to have the best looking avatar in all of Second Life, I in fact modeled her after my real life proportions which are definitely not society's "ideal". As I said before diversity is wonderful and the model I was looking for had to be a shining example of that. After a little more than two weeks I narrowed down the entrants to finalists and then to a winner, Pip Puff. I felt good about my decisions and felt that I'd been as fair as possible. Surely nobody would have a problem with my choices...

It seems I have been living with a false sense of security and the reality is there are "several" people who feel I picked a clone of myself as my new model. I ran across a blog of an entrant and read on to find she held a great deal of bitterness about the entire situation. I was very surprised after reading it and though I can handle people having ill feelings toward me, I didn't want them being expressed toward Pip. I will not allow Pip to take any blame or mistreatment simply because she entered a contest and won. Those of you who have been carrying around a banner of unfair treatment spread across your head should meet with myself or Pip face to face. In the pictures I took of Pip for the forums, yes she slightly favored me because of the angle, but we look nothing alike. I hate to burst anyone's bubble who thinks that is the only reason they weren't picked and I would be happy to tell you face to face the true reason. There is a party being planned for all entrants of the contest and I hope all bitterness will be left buried as it should be.

Thank you to those of you who entered the search and held a wonderful attitude after. I really appreciate the heartfelt comments and the lovely personalities I found in so many of you.

Audioblogging once more!

2005-12-22T17:26:00.000-05:00

Here we come a-wassailing..

2005-12-07T14:52:00.000-05:00

Did you ever hear that old Christmas carol and wonder what wassailing meant? I remember when I was younger I would make up words because I never understood that particular part of the lyrics. Wassailing means to drink or toast to someone's health, for future reference. Now you can never say my blog isn't educational!

The holiday season is alive and thriving again and my inner child comes out to play in full force. I've had people say I'm a kid at Christmas because I never got the chance to really enjoy it as a child. I guess that's true if I really get technical about it but I think I'd love the season just as much if I had. I love the lights, the cold weather, the cocoa, the kids playing, and the list goes on. I already have my tree up and decorated and a wreath on the door. My friends are exposed to movies like "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" or "A Charlie Brown Christmas" when they come over (poor things lol). More than any of the things I mentioned above, it's the spirit of giving that I love, the hope of compassion still alive in the hearts of mankind. I give to several charities on a monthly basis, but during the holiday I try to put in extra effort. I'm so glad several people in Second Life make it possible to give more through fundraisers. I'll be donating prizes for several events this season and it makes me happy to do so.

There is something else I love to see, the absolute faith young children have in Santa Claus. I added young because unfortunately children seem to grow up so much faster these days because of the world we live in. The little ones in my dance class have been asking me what I want from Santa this year and it makes me smile. I know to us old folk Santa is nothing more than a dream of the past or a fond memory, perhaps just a glimpse of something we never experienced. I've come to realize that "Santa Claus" isn't just the jolly fat man in a red suit but he's a representation of giving, innocence, and hope. It doesn't matter how much grief wears the pages of each chapter in your life, hold onto some innocence. I believe in something greater than myself, I still believe there is some magic in the universe, and God willing I always will.

Just a small note before I go a-wassailing, I have joined SLOG and have an idea for an entry to post very soon. I know I may not have as much to add but I have some thoughts floating around and look forward to sharing them. Happy Holidays everyone! Whatever your faith, whatever you celebrate or don't, make sure you count your blessings and spread a little love :).

Too personal

2005-11-10T19:52:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to write a short entry today. I know my blog crosses the border from Second Life to real life sometimes and that I write in a personal way more often than not. Does this mean I'm not capable of writing differently? I wanted to be part of something greater and so I swallowed my pride and put myself on a limb by asking. I'm not a great writer and I'll be the first to admit it. I don't always have the best grammar, I make typos, I misspell words at times, and I have incomplete thoughts. I guess I felt like I'd been part of Second Life long enough to have something to contribute, that what I had to say would be worth reading. I was rejected in the end and no I'm not bitter about it, but the reason for rejection bothered me. The reason it bothered me is because it's not consistant at all, meaning I have read some of the other blogs of certain members, and they can be personal too. My blog can be personal, yes, but I *am* capable of not writing that way. I think I'm smart enough to understand that writing in a personal manner isn't appropriate for every situation. I think perhaps it's really a case where the person just doesn't like the way I write or the way I get my point across and didn't want to hurt my feelings. So, no being a part of something greater for me. I'm going to continue writing in my little blog whether people think I have no skill as a writer or not, I enjoy it. It will be a long time before I ask for an invite again. I've always felt that if someone wanted me to be part of something they'd ask and that it's wrong (for me) to pry for an invite. I guess today proved I was right.

And so it is..

2005-11-08T02:26:00.000-05:00

We get comfortable in life when health problems are few and far between, at least I did. I went about my days doing what I always do, never stopping to think something wasn't quite right inside. Two saturdays ago at 6am, I got a message loud and clear. Apparently I have a few stones in my gallbladder and something I ate made them very angry. I suffered with the worst pain I have ever felt in my life for about 4 hours before finally begging to be taken to the emergency room. Those who know me well, know that I will not go to the hospital unless it's very serious. The next 48 hours or so were a blur due to the amount of pain medication in my system. It was a wake up call to say the least and a reminder how important it is to take care of yourself. I thought I was doing most of the right things but I left out drinking water. I don't care how healthy you think you are, how in shape, or how far you can run in a minute, if you aren't drinking 8 glasses of water a day you better start.

It's my favorite season and I'm waiting for the weather to catch up. It's November and we're still having warm weather, cooler than it was but still too warm. The leaves didn't start changing color until recently and by now a lot of the leaves have already fallen. I love the rich and vivid oranges, reds, and golds the leaves turn. I love to drive by and look up at the mountains during this time of year, they're ablaze and it's beautiful. Sometimes I just go outside and sit on the front porch, breathing in the world around me. There's always a scent of burning wood in the air and the constant, cool breeze is crisp and clean. I'm already planning for Thanksgiving because of course, I'm the one doing all the cooking lol. It's not that I mind really, it's a lot of food to cook, but it's so worth it when everything is done.

Speaking of food and cooking, have you ever been to Kitchen Korner in Second Life? Karamel Madison has slowly built an empire of cakes, baked goods, drinks, appliances, and all kinds of food. Not only does the food look good but most of it is animated too. There are tables where you can actually sit and eat the meal before you. Everytime I go there I end up clicking on everything for a sample lol. There is actually an entire sim called Kitchen Korner now and I couldn't believe all the items they have created. If you've never been you should check it out, it's fun!

I've been singing to myself a lot lately. I love to sing, especially when nobody is listening. Sometimes I feel like my thoughts are nothing but scattered lyrics, pieces of songs I've never written and perhaps never will. My writing isn't always connected nor does it always flow like it should, but it doesn't stop me :). Now if only I could play the guitar well, if only.

"And so it is
just like you said it would be
life goes easy on me
most of the time
And so it is
the shorter story
no love no glory
no hero in her skies"

--The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice

Audioblogging test

2005-10-25T14:54:00.000-05:00

Well there you have it, my first attempt at using audioblogger lol. The quality sucks and I guess I expected that considering I used a phone to record it. If you decide to listen keep that in mind. It's just me reading "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. I thought it was appropriate considering my last post. I'm not sure if I'll use it again, I was hoping it would sound a little better but the static is there to stay. When you have an accent and people don't always understand you, it's important they can at least hear you. Ah, well, we shall see...

Two roads diverged in a wood

2005-10-24T14:38:00.000-05:00

Well, here it is October and as you can see it's been months since I had any entries. It's something that happens to me now and then with anything in my life honestly. I was really into playing tennis and volleyball in my last years of school but later on as I grew older and opportunities came up to play I just had no desire to. Dancing was something I loved and did off and on til I hit 22 when it met it's untimely end. I just recently got involved with dancing again and I'm teaching young children basics. I'm part of an adult dance group and there are times after practicing that I really feel my age. I'm determined not to give up this time and I'm not going to let that listless bug get it's claws into me.

For a good while that bug had found it's way to me again with designing in Second Life. I read the New Products forum on a daily basis and I began to notice a surge in the amount of new designers and new clothing being produced. At first I was really happy to see the fresh styles or at least new spins on what's already out there but then a different feeling took over. I began to feel a bit overwhelmed by it all, like what's left for me to do at this point. Some of these newer designers pour out clothing like water from my kitchen faucet. It's constant, it's ever ready, and awaiting my next bout of thirst. I kept asking myself how I could compete with that and did I have the desire to even try. My design ideas don't flow in a steady stream, they're more like short bursts or jagged visions that pop into my head randomly. I may see something out in the world that inspires me, something on television, or a dream has even given me ideas. My point is, I can't sit and stare at Photoshop with a timer, I'd end up with nothing. There I was, a designer tapped out with no ambition, standing at a fork in the road.

I stood in place for a time, looking down one very familiar path. I had traveled this path so many times before, giving up, running away, and never realizing exactly what I could do if I tried. I then looked down the other path, one of uncertainty and intimidation, but oh what a warm light shined upon it. All I could think about in my mind was a line from a favorite poem.

"Then took the other as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear"

I knew that I couldn't take the familiar path anymore and I was hesitant in those first steps but I've never looked back. I had a friend waiting for me that I never would have expected, a friend named Nephilaine Protagonist who was later joined by another friend, Delairen Baysklef. We had ideas, we worked hard, and we made things happen. I had not felt so inspired or driven in a very long time and it was wonderful. When our first creation was announced we were met with an overwhelming response and it was exciting. We released several other sets and Delairen released her new hair as well soon after. We have a few more things planned from this new line together and I look forward to it. I have a new desire for designing now and I am greatful to those who have supported me.

Unfortunately when you take a risk you may be faced with negativity from those you'd least expect it from. I can only say that if a friend is truly your friend they will support you in the end, though they may not agree. I've had a lot of changes happening in my real life and my second lately, it's not been easy. There have been arguments where there should have been resolutions and missed moments where there should have been new memories. I can only hope things will get better and I'll be waiting on this new path with my hand outstretched when they do.

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

--The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Elsewhere

2005-04-13T23:29:00.000-05:00

Hanging out with Launa in Chartreuse.

To say that this week had a bad beginning would be an understatement. I feel like a complete klutz with the new 1.6 tools and I made a lovely mistake a few days ago. I noticed there were some objects on our Reverie land that weren't set to group so I checked them out. I saw that it was safe to return the objects so I selected the person's name and clicked return. I assumed that I had done the correct thing but as luck would have it I was horribly wrong. I watched as everything around me slowly vanished, turning "a reverie into a nightmare" so to speak. I had returned all group objects, staking my claim as the poster child for OOPS (Overlords Of Perpetual Screw-ups) members everywhere.

I stood there stunned for a few minutes before trying to find all the returned items. Most of Water's items were returned to him except 1/3 of the building itself. Luckily I was able to track down Lordfly, who had a copy of the store and I was extremely grateful. After the store was in place I worked throughout the night to replace everything. I thought to myself that the week HAD to go better after this. Sometimes I wish my SL came with foreshadowing like a drama on TV, a soap opera even lol. I could stand there and suddenly hear my thoughts out loud while I raised a brow to prove I was really thinking. Meanwhile a griefer lurks in the shadows and the audience sees a flash of the properties window for my land, focusing on the edit permissions box. "GASP! It's unchecked!" "Torrid check your land permissions!" But alas, there was no warning or audience participation, just the discovery that my land had been raised all the way up. All of the objects inside the house were sent off world and of course they were never actually returned to my inventory. A few other people were also hit by the land griefer but the results were a bit more extreme for them. Ahh the joys of random griefing, where would I be without it? Unfortunately there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it because I had NO clue who did it.

So as if these two events weren't enough, sales have been the icing on the cake. My sales have done a rapid nose dive, which means it's time to do something different and change things around. I've found myself hanging out less and less in Umber lately. It really does feel like my home but I've been drifting towards Chartreuse lately where calmer waters reside. I've felt a bit closed off from the group lately and so I tend to befriend solitude at times. I've been spending more time with my good friend Launa (Fauna), despite our age gap. She can be a big kid like me, giggly and goofy, but she has a quiet spirit about her. When I talk with her I feel the presence of her soul, like a wise older woman who has seen many a sunset. In some ways I feel sadness because I know all to well how the raging water of life's rapids can age you when they're met too soon. In other ways I feel comfort because I can connect with her on a different level, finding a kindred spirit. She is a very talented artist, a true gem to this community, and I dare say I'd have no part of a Launaless Second Life <3.

I may find troubled moments at home and I may drift elsewhere but all these pieces make up the puzzle that is Torrid Midnight-Rogers (<3). My love, my friends, my experiences, and everything inbetween are emblazoned on it's surface like an inscription on a gift made especially for me. In my life, real and virtual, this is my little heaven, despite a journey here and there through hell. After all, what good is the prize without the race?

"I believe, this is heaven to no one else but me
And I'll defend it long as I can be,
Left here to linger in silence, if I choose to,
Would you try to understand?"

*Elsewhere by Sarah McLachlan is a favorite song of mine

Sullen Girl

2005-04-05T22:35:00.000-05:00

Blah, that's a really good way to describe the last several days for me. I have to say this is the most unproductive I've been (without being sick) in quite awhile. I have convinced myself it's all tied to the birthday blues but I'm not sure if that's true. Do you ever just sit up in bed and stare at the wall? I've found myself doing this and sometimes I'll sit there for ten minutes wondering what the hell I should do. I push myself into the wake up routine of going to the loo, taking a shower, getting dressed, etc. I might grab a bowl of cereal, which depending on my mood might be a sugar filled kid's dream. Now it's time to sit down at the computer and do something productive right?

I might also add that I've been sleeping late in the day, besides working for my father once, causing me to miss my time with Water (Rogers). He works third shift and I've been trying desperately to sleep at night so we can spend time together in the mornings. Unfortunately it hasn't been working out that way and we're getting little to no time at all. Right now you're all asking yourselves, "OMG is she going to talk about the details of her personal life?". I could be wrong, you might be asking yourself how fruitloops got in your underwear or who the hell is in your shower right now. Either way, I'm not going to spill much about Water and I, for his sake and yours lol.

Where was I, oh yes at the computer doing something productive. I sit and stare at Photoshop and then I'll go in SL only to log out twenty minutes later. I just haven't been able to concentrate on anything long enough to get something accomplished. I don't seem to be saying the right things to people lately either. I've had three or four "discussions" with friends and family, all of which managed to piss the other person off. I honestly don't mean to upset someone when I'm making a point and I don't always think about how what I say could be taken out of context. There are times when a discussion gets heated that you step on toes and I expect the other person not to take it as a personal attack. The thing I forget is, just because *I* am able to keep a cool head most of the time doesn't mean the other person can or will. I've decided to stay out of these "discussions" for the time being lol. I can apologize all day long but in the end I'd prefer to keep out of conflict and keep my friends.

A lull is defined as an interval of lessened activity and beside that definition you'll find my picture. I don't plan on waiting around for this lull to go on it's merry way, which means pushing myself to work. Reverie projects are awaiting me, as well as new clothing yet to be made, and a few other things.

Nephilaine and her friend Pierce (Portocarrero) made a video of my SL birthday party for me. They made this speedy little 8 bit looking piece of work that can't help but make you laugh. Just want to say thank you to you both :). If you don't know who Pierce is, he's a bloody genius with movie making in Second Life. If you haven't seen his work, check out the movie Bloody Mary. He's also working on a documentary right now, "Ideal World: The Virtual Life Documentary", following the real and virtual life of Nephilaine Protagonist. Hopefully I've explained that correctly lol but just in case here's the website, http://www.theidealworld.tv/.

Well, off I go to reach for that ever elusive good night's sleep. I guess the parody ad on boringboring.org was fitting huh?

"I wander the halls along the walls and under my breath I say to myself,
I need fuel, to take flight.
And there is too much going on,
But it's calm under the waves, in the blue of my oblivion."

Video killed the radio star.

2005-04-01T01:56:00.000-05:00

I've been messing around with streaming video in SL for the last few hours lol. Aimee gave me several urls of Dresden Dolls videos to try. We watched and enjoyed it, though I'm not sure everyone present did lol. For the next few hours we watched everything from movie trailers to flash animations. I managed to cause temporary insanity by playing Magical Trevor for 15 minutes or so :P. It goes on forever and yet you continue watching, hoping that the cow will see more than beans on it's next trip.

I imagine streaming video will bring about many new projects and events, which I'm looking forward to. Not to insult those who run club events and contests but it's quite disheartening to scroll through the daily activities and see nothing but "GURLS N THONGS XXX U SEXY?? COME DOWN N WORK DAT THANG MONEY PRIZESSSS FOR U!!!!" Okay, so that's a slight exaggeration but after awhile it all mixes together into one giant stew of hoochie hair and bling.

If you're unsure what hoochie hair and bling is consider yourself lucky. Hoochie hair generally consists of massive amounts of prim curls and bling is jewelry which has been scripted to flash particles like light. Sometimes the bling is made to look more like it's a reflection from catching light, other times it's like a strobe light causing temporary blindness. You might say well the bling doesn't sound that bad and you'd be right if it is worn in moderation. Imagine you're in a clothing store doing a little shopping when some flash of light catches the corner of your eye. You turn to see what caused this when suddenly you're hit, bright white particles coming from all angles, you try to escape but the lag is so bad you can't move. You've just experienced what it's like to be in the presence of an avatar with bling overload and enough prims to fill a sim.

Unfortunately this happens with a good size chunk of Second Life's female population, though the men seem to be catching up. These avatars are usually very easy to spot and look very similar. You'll notice the following:

1. Body shape is *usually* thin with no hips and large breasts.
2. Hair contains anywhere from 100-300 prims.
3. Custom tan skin
4. Eyebrow ring, lip ring, nose ring, earrings, necklace, bracelet or watch, belt, anklet, and shoes all blinging.
5. Animation Override which places them in frozen pinup poses in a cycle until walking which consists of a hip sway with it's own warning label.

There are cases where these don't all apply but they are fairly rare. One thing I've always loved about Second Life is the diversity of it's residents and that real life's idea of beauty didn't spill over very much. Now I'm hearing things about our virtual world that sadden me. I heard the other day that a particular modeling group in SL requires their models to have a certain skin tone and a very thin shape with no curves and large breasts. This literally made me ill for a few minutes, to know that our media infected society's idea of what makes a beautiful woman was alive and thriving in SL. Perhaps some people like that they can fit that image in a virtual world since they can't in the real one, who knows. I'll stick with my curvy shape, smaller breasts, and big bum :)

I think I really went off the train tracks this time lol. If you follow this blog you'll come to learn that my thoughts can change mid sentence. I'll try to be as consistent as I can :). I'll also be adding more pictures because that's something I find necessary for the true SL experience lol. For now I think I'll drink some tea and try to sleep. I never sleep well, such is my curse.

"They took the credit for your second symphony.
Rewritten by machine and new technology
and now I understand the problems you can see."

"There she weaves by night and day.."

2005-03-30T20:43:00.000-05:00

The Lady of Shalott by Alfred Lord Tennyson. It came up today when I was discussing ideas with Nephilaine and I was reminded of how much I love the poem.

So, I joined the blogging masses today. I feel like doing a jig but I think I'll wait until I can find out what a jig consists of. If I can avoid making a fool of myself I usually do but it doesn't always work out that way.

I suppose I should say a little about myself at this point. I'll be writing this blog mostly about my virtual life as Torrid Midnight in a game called Second Life. If you haven't heard of me, I've been in Second Life since May of 2003. I was a social bug for a few months before I learned some basics of Photoshop. Since then I've been creating clothing and learning more than I ever thought I could through a "game". I have found some wonderful friendships among the residents of SL and for that I feel very lucky. I may spill my real life in here and there if I feel like it so I'll try my best not to confuse you lol.

That's all of my rambling for now.

.
"She knows not what the curse may be
And so she weaveth steadily
And little other care hath she
The Lady of Shalott"